I experienced mostly confusing feelings. I thought something was wrong with me. After 14 years inside Self-Realization Order, I realized, “It’s not me. It’s the system.” I’d been trapped in a double bind.
Trapped in the system of enlightenment
The “system” of enlightened masters, meditation teachers and groups creates a double bind of the mind. A double bind is a situation in which a person is confronted with two irreconcilable demands. Most followers seldom realize the double binds that keep them trapped in the system of enlightened masters.
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The “system” is about trying to fit yourself into a mold of the ideals, concepts, and traditions: such as enlightenment, detachment, and selflessness (ego-loss). You follow the system, do as you’re told, in the hopes you find what you are seeking–enlightenment, selflessness, or spiritual attainment. You keep trying, keep going–sometimes for years, decades, or your whole life–despite your frustrations. Not realizing it’s the “system” that is the problem, not you.
You’ve been conditioned to believe, to trust, to obey. From childhood onward you’ve trusted (mostly) the authority of your elders, sages, or masters. There’s a system–you were told and believe–that is a tried and true path. You have a strong desire to follow, to find your “true” self.
You seek to know yourself, your “real” or Higher Self, that is beyond your ego or lower self. You seek to know yourself through a “system”, a path, a tradition of enlightenment–it’s beliefs, methods and “proven” meditation techniques.
The Eastern “system” of enlightenment promises to fulfill your spiritual desires and promises to show you your “real” self. You strive for enlightenment and ego-loss, both of which are abstractions (existing only as ideas) created within the “system” of Eastern spiritual traditions and the guru-disciple relationship.
You believe the “system” is true because the “system” tells you it’s true. You follow the system and sometimes you get results. Often you don’t get the desired results. But you keep following the system, listening to the master, teacher, and guru. You are inside a self-enclosed circle: inside the system.
Double bind of enlightened masters
When you aren’t able to follow the system–for whatever reason: perhaps you overslept and didn’t have enough time to meditate, you dreamt of sex with a neighbor, or performed some other thought “crime”. You feel guilty, mistrust yourself, and feel helpless without the system and surrender to its authority. To feel better about yourself you throw yourself at the mercy of the system and its authority. You ask for forgiveness and humble yourself and go back to following the system–as you are supposedly an imperfect human, who needs the system and its authority.
The system you follow–you believe–is wise, unfailing, perfect. You just need better practice of its spiritual techniques and to better follow the system and its authority.
Within the system you feel better for awhile. Through following the system, you feel a sense of certainty, purpose, and confidence. It’s purported to be a thousands year old lineage with masters (authorities) who tell you the system of enlightenment is best for you.
You tell yourself: “It’s always brought me peace, joy, love and ultimately will save me from myself (ego, selfishness, delusion, and suffering)”. Redoubling your efforts for a while you keep following the system and its authority.
Ernest, trapped in “spiritual” double bind
Ernest1, an SRF monk of 18 years who eventually left the Self-Realization Order, remarked:
“Whenever I would redouble my efforts (be more strict with myself), I found it was impossible to sustain. It was unnatural and stressful, even though I felt more ‘spiritual.’”
But you keep getting confused. Asking in anguish, “What’s wrong with me? I am following an enlightened master, an unfailing system, an ancient tradition of enlightenment. Who am I to question the wisdom of the sages, masters, and messengers of an unfailing system?” Despite your frustrations you go back again and again to this system.
You blame yourself for feeling confused, frustrated, and conflicted. You tell yourself you must be doing something wrong. You are not following the “system” correctly enough. You have too much ego (too much selfishness). You redouble your efforts to obey the system. You are suspicious of your own intelligence and distrust yourself (because ego and intellect are to be mistrusted (according to the system). The higher, correct path (you are told) comes from the ancient wisdom tradition of the Eastern enlightenment and spiritual masters.
It’s maddening and cruel. An enclosed circle, a vicious cycle. You are in the double bind.
What is the double bind?
The double bind is a no-win kind of communication, according to U.S. anthropologist Gregory Bateson2, designed to keep you obeying the authority figure. The double bind, i.e., two irreconcilable demands, as it relates to Eastern enlightenment is explained through examples and commentary that follow.
The Eastern enlightenment systems communicates double bind messages through implicit or explicit statements such as:
“You are asleep or ignorant. Meditation is the path to awakening or knowledge of God. You are asleep or ignorant, so keep meditating.
You are ego/self-centered. Meditation is the path to ego destruction/self-transcendence. If you are not yet egoless or selfless, keep meditating.
You are racked with desires. Meditation is the path to fulfillment of all desires, therefore becoming desireless. If you are not yet desireless, keep meditating.3
In each of the examples above, the system keeps you trapped in the double bind. If you are meditating and trying to follow given spiritual practices but not getting results (i.e., not becoming awakened and in touch with your true Self, selfless, or desireless), the system says that it’s your faulty practice and that you need to keep trying to do better. And if you should be following the system better, the system keeps you following, trying, and failing.
Example of double bind with spiritual teacher
A Zen Master says to his students:
“If you say this stick is real, I will beat you. If you say this stick is not real, I will beat you. If you say nothing, I will beat you.”
The disciples felt confused, trapped, doomed to get beat. They felt they should trust the Master’s wisdom and surrender, take the beating. One disciple, though, walked up to the Master, grabbed the stick, and broke it. 4 Rare is the disciple who has the self-trust and analytical thinking to “break the stick” and to thereby escape the system of the double bind.
When the student is repeatedly subjected to double bind communications over a long period of time, it’s easy for her to get confused and mistrust herself.
Long-term harms of double bind
There are long-term deleterious effects of being in a double bind. The harms or dangers of these double bind communications is that when students or disciples accept–without question–the traditions, teachings, or sayings of the Eastern “masters”–there is a breakdown of analytical thinking. Students are told to only trust meditation experience, the practices they are taught by telling them the experiences they should expect to have, how to interpret them, and how those experiences reveal the nature of reality.5. The systems often used by Eastern masters inculcate in students a mistrust of self, ego, and intellect. Thereby breaking down students analytical thinking, clear feeling and perceiving abilities. These are replaced with double bind communications, which ultimately are harmful.
Harms include, for example, physical and mental health issues, nervous breakdown, buying into everything that is said without question (breakdown of analytical thinking), not being able to see things clearly. Going round and round in circles in your thoughts, confused, and wondering what is wrong with you. The system of double blind is not designed for you to think for yourself. Rather the system may bring feelings of clarity and contentment only when you surrender, obey, and try even harder to follow despite the conflict and confusion your feel inside.
Ernest, conflicted and confused in “spiritual” double bind
Ernest, a former SRF monk of 18 years, told me his personal experience with double bind:
“I was good friends with Brahmacharini Becky [former SRF nun] before we’d entered the Order, when we were in college. Our relationship wasn’t romantic, but it might have become that if it weren’t for SRF and the SRF teachings of transmuting sexual desire into spiritual aspirations. After we had both entered the ashram I would sometimes think, ‘If she’s still in the ashram, I’m safe.’ That should have been a red flag, but I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t acknowledge that I still had feelings for her. The double bind didn’t allow me to have a desire that contradicted what I was striving for–a celibate life dedicated only to God and SRF. If I didn’t have God’s all-fulfilling love to replace a desire for human love [for Becky or person], that meant I wasn’t putting enough effort into my spiritual practices. So my desire for human love was too threatening to even acknowledge. I was more or less happily committed to the double bind–until after 18 years the subconscious desire for human love could no longer be ignored.”6
When confused and mistrusting your own thoughts and feelings it’s fairly easy for teacher, guru, or master to manipulate and control you. It’s not you (your intellect, feelings, or ego) that’s the problem. You are trapped in a system of the double bind. The double bind is integral to keeping students in the system and following the teacher, guru, or master. And, the teacher gains his power and authority over students through the double bind of the system. The teacher, teaching, and system of enlightenment is assumed to be perfect, infallible, unchallengeable.
You, not the system, are portrayed as having the problem
The system of enlightenment–the Eastern traditions, including the guru-disciple relationship–sets the context and forms the underlying assumptions of the teachings, practices, and techniques. The double bind prevents students enclosed within the systems of questioning or challenging the teacher’s authority. While in the system it is difficult, if not impossible, to escape though the system doesn’t actually work and may even be harmful.
When talking with fellow students or your spiritual teacher about your doubts or problems with the system they tell you, directly or indirectly, don’t find fault with the system, teacher, or techniques. Find fault with your practice, attitude, or ego.
Examples of finding fault with yourself, not with teacher, teaching, or system
Within the double bind of Eastern enlightenment you will find fault with yourself and not teacher, teaching, or system. Two examples of double bind communications regarding meditation, using SRF teachings, include:
“Do not find fault with the Lesson or the technique when you do not obtain results. Find fault with your distracted meditation.” — SRF Lesson 30
Today my mind has dived deep in Thee.
For Thy pearls of love from Thy depth-less sea.
Today my mind has dived deep in Thee.
If I find not, I will not blame Thy sea;
I will find fault with my diving.”
–SRF Cosmic Chants, Today My Mind Has Dived
The message is clear. If teacher, teachings, or meditation seem to not be working, keep meditating, keep studying, keep trying. You are encouraged to try harder, to not question but follow the system. Rather than something being wrong with the system, teacher, or group you believe you must be doing something wrong. Your ego, intellect, or uncontrollable, unconscious impulses must be preventing you from getting the promised results from the system. Your fundamental belief is the system of the enlightened masters must be valid. You never question that. You blame yourself and surrender with greater commitment to the system, submitting to the authority and validation of the spiritual teacher, counselor, or enlightened master. You are trapped in the double bind.
The double bind controls. You allow it to control you as you follow and surrender to the system that is purported to bring results if only you practice correctly. The double bind keeps you going in circles thinking you are weak (egoic) and need the system. While the system, teacher, or techniques can only be validated by the system, tradition, and techniques themselves. It’s a circular, closed system: the double bind.
Breaking out of the double bind
The double bind is a no-win kind of communication designed to keep you obeying the authority figure. We have examined the double in the context of systems of Eastern enlightenment. When trapped in the double bind you believe in the system that the group, teacher, or master inculcates in you. The system includes the double bind: a web of no-win communications, beliefs, and unverifiable claims about special techniques and traditions from Eastern enlightened masters. Trapped inside the system the double bind communications lead you to believe if you just try harder, follow more faithfully, and destroy more of your ego–someday, sometime, if not this life then hopefully in a future life–you will gain enlightenment, spiritual mastery, or end your suffering.
Even students who physically leave teachers, groups, and religions often remain trapped inside the system of the double bind. They perpetuate the system in their beliefs, morals, and commitments. “Wherever you go, there you are”. My anecdotal observations of former SRF monks, members, and myself who left the physical system is that many formers (ex-students) still cling to a belief system of Eastern enlightenment and are still trapped in the double bind. To escape this double bind requires seeing and analyzing the system from outside the system of enlightenment fundamental beliefs, worldview, and unverifiable claims.
Rare is the student, the disciple, who has the cojones (balls), self-trust, and analytical thinking to “break the stick” of the master and to thereby escape from the system and its double bind.
Special thanks to Ernest for sharing his personal experiences above and providing his editorial comments on the overall draft of this post. Your help was invaluable and much appreciated.
Featured image: Courtesy of olavXO, “breakout”, Flickr, CC BY 2.0
1 Ernest is fictitious name. This former SRF monk wrote this quote of his personal experiences and asked that his real name be kept confidential.
2 Gregory Bateson, double bind, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregory_Bateson#Double_bind
3 Read my post Duped by Meditation? which discusses the underlying premises that feed the double bind.
4 Psychology Today, The Double Binds of Everyday Life, Marilyn Wedge Ph.D. 13 Oct 2011 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201110/the-double-binds-everyday-life
5 Meditation, The Passionate Mind Revisited: Expanding Personal and Social Awareness, Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad, North Atlantic Books, Berkeley: CA. 2009. p 267
6 The names in this example have been changed to protect privacy of the actual persons.